Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I feel....slightly defeated.

I woke up a half hour earlier this morning, being so nervous for my presentation today. The night before i had stayed up till 1 am finishing courtney's/ sample dress. It looks great, and i'll post pictures soon.

I racked my brain as I fell asleep last night on what i was going to wear to present. I mean, if i'm making a clothing line, i have to look GOOD, right? I decided on one of the 1st dresses i ever made, some fishnets, and my favorite gray heels. A random honda honked at me as i walked to school, so i took that as a good sign about my appearance.

As a last minute decision, i made up a swatch board so the judges could touch all the types of fabrics i wanted to use for the line. i was so restless before i left i cleaned the entire apartment (all 400 square feet of it) and ate a bag of candy out of nervousness. I was oddly not hungry at all. it must have been the adrenaline.

All the presenters were running late, and i was grateful for the extra 10 minutes to just relax. When i was called into the room, i almost passed out. I walked in and saw all the judges (5 women, 1 man) and i went to set up my powerpoint. Just my luck, i had technical difficulties and all the beautiful Poor Richard font i had planned was lost as i had to use a different computer than my own (darn HP!!!). Instead, the arial font screamed "mediocre' to the judges in bold type. great...

My presentation breezed by. I was spewing numbers and words that i had rehearsed over and over in the shower earlier in the morning. I pointed out zipper details, passed around the sample, explained how i would become a millionaire in 5 years, showed comments written by YOU, MY READERS (which deserves a Honda honk itself because it just boosts my clothing line so much!) about how much you just love this idea, and before i knew it i was taking questions.

questions that i cant even remember an hour later.

Luckily, i had anticipated most of the questions and had special "set aside" slides that I showed to address them. The panel asked about prices, cost, shipping, returns... and i only answered "i dont know" to one. My husband said that was better than making something up and looking stupid. All in all, it went well.

Strangely enough, i'm not relieved that it is over at all. And i'm not fishing for compliments when I saw I dont think i'll win. It has nothing to do with the judges questions, or my overall presentation, or my smokin' hot outfit. it's just a feeling of unrest, doubt, and over all defeat knowing that these 6 people have my fate in their hands. i automatically saw the other finalists when I was leaving and i just had a wave emotion that can only be labeled as insecurity. The fact that I've never wanted or needed anything else in my whole life than this prize money to start a postpartum clothing line makes me feel desperate and unsure of myself...which i dont like feeling.

I just want to know if i've lost or not so i can move on with my life and make new plans about what i am going to do after college.

But for today I'll go to the temple with my husband, go shopping on friday, and go to me best friend's bridal shower on saturday. This is all i have planned so far.


  1. Your honesty about all of this is really refreshing. I think many of us have been in similar situations and can relate. You have a great perspective and an understanding that if this isn't the plan for you, there's an even better one in store. BEST of luck to you though. I'm not pregnant yet, but when I am I'd surely like a dress or two for the postpartum time!

  2. Well the fact that you talked in the presentation means you did better than I would have done. Pretty sure I would have stumbled over all my words and eventually passed out. Don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you did better than you think!

    Have confidence- the clothes you make are SO cute! :)

  3. it sounds like it went great, i am proud of you! no matter what happens...everything always works out! you go girl!

  4. Yeah, I learned the hard way that you should always use basic fonts for your power point, otherwise your awesome Harry Potter font will default to Arial and be way too big (but hey, at least it's the preferable sans serif; it could have been Courier!).

    Also, should you not win, you ought to acquire more cjane minions (like myself, natch) to make adverts worth your while and then raise your own startup capital. Voila!

  5. It's okay, you probably did just fine, and just know that the outcome will be right for you.

    Understand your feelings, though. You're so sweet and so talented, so no matter what, you'll go on to do great things.

  6. Nope, nope, nope!!! Do not give in to defeat. Those 6 judges are just one small avenue, win or lose you will press on to your own success. It would be lovely to have their accolades and mega bucks, but they are not privy to your internal drive, your inspiration, your press forwardness. Keep on. If you win, well, you have a jump start. If you do not win, no biggie. Keep sewing C Janes cute dresses. Keep posting on your blog. Keep working on your notebook of ideas. Pick everyones brain. Keep the good ideas, smile and nod about the bad ideas. Do not allow your success to rest in someone else's hands. Go, go, go.
    PS, with part of your winnings, buy a Roomba to take care of all those scraps on your floor.