I woke up a half hour earlier this morning, being so nervous for my presentation today. The night before i had stayed up till 1 am finishing courtney's/ sample dress. It looks great, and i'll post pictures soon.
I racked my brain as I fell asleep last night on what i was going to wear to present. I mean, if i'm making a clothing line, i have to look GOOD, right? I decided on one of the 1st dresses i ever made, some fishnets, and my favorite gray heels. A random honda honked at me as i walked to school, so i took that as a good sign about my appearance.
As a last minute decision, i made up a swatch board so the judges could touch all the types of fabrics i wanted to use for the line. i was so restless before i left i cleaned the entire apartment (all 400 square feet of it) and ate a bag of candy out of nervousness. I was oddly not hungry at all. it must have been the adrenaline.
All the presenters were running late, and i was grateful for the extra 10 minutes to just relax. When i was called into the room, i almost passed out. I walked in and saw all the judges (5 women, 1 man) and i went to set up my powerpoint. Just my luck, i had technical difficulties and all the beautiful Poor Richard font i had planned was lost as i had to use a different computer than my own (darn HP!!!). Instead, the arial font screamed "mediocre' to the judges in bold type. great...
My presentation breezed by. I was spewing numbers and words that i had rehearsed over and over in the shower earlier in the morning. I pointed out zipper details, passed around the sample, explained how i would become a millionaire in 5 years, showed comments written by YOU, MY READERS (which deserves a Honda honk itself because it just boosts my clothing line so much!) about how much you just love this idea, and before i knew it i was taking questions.
questions that i cant even remember an hour later.
Luckily, i had anticipated most of the questions and had special "set aside" slides that I showed to address them. The panel asked about prices, cost, shipping, returns... and i only answered "i dont know" to one. My husband said that was better than making something up and looking stupid. All in all, it went well.
Strangely enough, i'm not relieved that it is over at all. And i'm not fishing for compliments when I saw I dont think i'll win. It has nothing to do with the judges questions, or my overall presentation, or my smokin' hot outfit. it's just a feeling of unrest, doubt, and over all defeat knowing that these 6 people have my fate in their hands. i automatically saw the other finalists when I was leaving and i just had a wave emotion that can only be labeled as insecurity. The fact that I've never wanted or needed anything else in my whole life than this prize money to start a postpartum clothing line makes me feel desperate and unsure of myself...which i dont like feeling.
I just want to know if i've lost or not so i can move on with my life and make new plans about what i am going to do after college.
But for today I'll go to the temple with my husband, go shopping on friday, and go to me best friend's bridal shower on saturday. This is all i have planned so far.